I’m very passionate about music, and I have very broad tastes in most genres. I’m most passionate about what I don’t like. I think this is basically OK. I don’t see it as a necessarily negative thing to not like stuff, I think that’s all part of the normal discourse for appreciating art.
With that in mind here’s my list of bands that LOTS of people love but I can’t stand, in no particular order. I welcome the ensuing debate…
- The Velvet Underground. I find everything I’ve ever heard of theirs really terribly produced and I’m a fan of interesting production. The songs are very basic at their core but with a literary pretentiousness to the lyric that has somehow managed to fool a lot of smart people. And closet fetishists. Also the singing is so fey and lazy. Ugh!
- Joy Division/New Order. I mean, it’s just horribly executed (no pun intended). Awful playing which I could forgive if it was just JD, but just go and watch Bernard Whateverhisnameis play guitar. After 30 plus years as a ‘professional’ musician one should at least be comfortable with ones instrument, not to say actually have got quite good at it. But no, he looks like he’s fresh out of his 3rd lesson and relying heavily on session musos and production to make it listenable.
- The Strokes. Just. Fuck. Off.
- Teenage Fanclub. Teenage strop more like. What is it with that wispy singing, barely there and propped up with harmonies. And if you see them live, they can only just manage to recreate them. Singing softly and making a trademark of a harmony vocal style over extremely basic chord sequences, you’d think they can perform them with confidence, but oh no.
- Blur. I mean, I could be here all day with this one. I’m already picking up a theme here. Essentially, don’t put something down in the studio that you can’t perform live with style. Damon Albarn is the prime chancer, with very little musical ability he’s been trying to con everyone for years that he’s a real musical genius. And he fucking isn’t.
- Patti Smith. Utter, utter pretentious art-school dog-shit. And really that whole NY art-rock scene can do one. Similarly wrong as The Velvets. Just because you call it art, doesn’t mean it is. Horses, horses, horses. So fucking what??
- Pete Docherty. Well, this is obvious, isn’t it? How dare you put out a record and expect people to pay good money for it when it sounds like you can barely be bothered to stand up in front of the microphone. Skaggy twat.
- The White Stripes/Royal Blood. Oh, look. We’re so unique we didn’t bother to get a bass player because you don’t need one. Except we’ll have an effects pedal putting in the bottom end or we’ll record bass in the studio and effect it on stage. Don’t be a prick, just hire a bass player. Anyone can play bass.
- The XX. This is a record you need to have, somebody once told me. No. Not if you’ve already heard the first couple of Cure albums you don’t. Away with your shite, and try finishing a song before you release it.
- Nirvana. Yes, that’s right. I said it. Nirvana are hideously over-rated. When they came out it was good, pretty damn good. But all the fake misery and vague imagery, nonsense lyrics and so on led me to opine at the time that the only truly great thing about that band was the drummer. And what do you know? I wish I’d had a score on Cobain topping himself because I saw it coming a mile off, only it turned out it was his wife after all.
So there you go. I feel so much better getting all that out there.
It’s like a release, spiritually.
Come take me on if you disagree, or tell me your additions.